You know, I have been thinking about the Big F word a lot lately. Tim McGraw sings a song "Live like you were dying" and it talks about doing all the things now before it is too late and one of them is "Gave forgiveness I've been denying" and every time it comes on it makes me think about all those who I no longer talk to and those who expect an apology from me before they will grant forgiveness. It gets me thinking about how funny a thing like forgiveness is, without it I imagine a world that still has apartheid, where the holocaust didn't end and religion had a lot to answer for. Without forgiveness my children do not know a whole side of my family but unlike the bigger atrocities in life I ask myself how bad that really is, they do not know the hurt and pain we have all suffered at each others hands and I hope they never do.
But it leads me to question where my selfish wants for my children should end and where I need to start being selfless for "the greater good" so to speak, is it fair because of the way I feel I have been treated for me to deny my children a relationship? But at the same time, after the great divide of '08 I have been so much more at peace with life, I don't give that side of the family much thought and I don't care what they think of me... because I know they think of me... so how is that a bad thing? If I am happy with my life, more happy than a year ago does forgiveness come into it? Do I need another's forgiveness to move forward?
See why I have been thinking about the F word so much?! LOL I guess I should just settle for this weird equilibrium we have these days huh?!
Enough pondering for Saturday night, I have a dress to finish sewing (After I replace the needle... will post pics when done ;) ), a baby asleep on me and a whole lot more washing to fold so time to put this in the too hard basket for the night and enjoy the way things are right now :)
1 comment:
It is half past one in the morning so this may not make sense. I don't believe in apologising for things you are not sorry for, so if you are not sorry, do not ask for forgiveness. You can be the bigger person and apologise for how your choices make someone feel, assuming you mean no ill intent in just living your life how you so choose. It is not your responsibility to act how they see fit just to fit into anyone's box. If you can honestly and openly say you have thoroughly understood their point of view, and still disagree then there should be no need for an apology. Adults can agree to disagree and still get along.
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